WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
