shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
