I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
