Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
