i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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