loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
people are starting to question the shark bite story
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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