How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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