I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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