dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
