he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
she smelled like a LAN party
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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