I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Randomize
