I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
