so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize