I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
