he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
