omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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