My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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