Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
