Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
