He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
