Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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