that's an acceptable place to lick
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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