No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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