I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Fuck appropriateness.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Randomize
