omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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