Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
