just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
