I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
