her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
