awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
