I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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