You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
