I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize