My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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