my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
