I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize