The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize