I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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