I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
