By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
