She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
