Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
