My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
