I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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