No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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