My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
