your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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