Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
