Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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