So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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