mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize