Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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