i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I didn't notice because vodka
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
