all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I checked into jail on foursquare
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize