KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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