also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
