He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
