We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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