she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
