Are we in a gay sports bar?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
