the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
