Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
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