Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize