Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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