i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
the day after is always just damage control
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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